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  1. I see another arrangement alongside the traditional gender roles (which tend to fall into that bad-boy dominating, but providing for a nice-girl stereotype) and cuckolds (that nice-guy who provides for, but doesn’t dominate a sexually-liberated bad-girl). You might be getting to this, but just as with the consumerism culture, there are more latent choices which the culture does its best to conceal or at least discount. What if traditional gender roles are reversed in a relationship? What if they’re abolished altogether?

    What if, regardless of who provides, the woman dominates and protects the man? What if, rather than having distinct roles, there’s more of an equal footing and both partners provide for their family and simply do what needs to be done? What if both partners in a relationship are “bad” in the sense they’re sexually liberated and are in an open relationship? What if there is neither a bad or nice individual of either gender in a relationship, but balance is achieved by two balanced individuals because they’re able to thrive without falling into the existing stereotypes?

    I personally wish nice-guys would just stop the whining, they’re not going to get things just handed to them without asking and making an effort. The nice-girls who whine are the same way; they want choices to be handed to them, but if they’re not going to leave their walled city of passivity and seek out a life partner, well they should just come to terms with the fact that they’re going to be choosing primarily from the barbarians trying to break down their gates. Along the lines of my comment in the previous part, relationships need to achieve a personality balance. I don’t think a relationship would reach critical mass without balance, and even if it managed to do so, it would be largely dysfunctional, just as destructive as two extremely dominant personalities in a relationship who butt heads constantly and may even fight. Happiness is achieved through recognizing one’s own limitations and excelling at working within them. Failure and misery are the most likely result of trying to be something one simply isn’t capable of being, and then falling short, and then blaming others for that failure.

    I’ve found I work best when I ignore gender roles. It’s definitely a harder way to go, to assume that courtship and such won’t follow The Formula. It’s worth pointing out that this generally isn’t a problem in same-sex relationships, because each of the partners can either define their own roles, or utterly neglect to do so (I’ve found the same-sex relationships I’ve been in to be quite satisfactory in this respect). Many, if not most women, are put-off by not being wined and dined while dating, and expect to receive a follow-up call rather than making one, or not receiving advances for all those other things where men are expected to take the initiative. Nice-guys probably lose out plenty because they’re not forward enough. Many nice girls lose out because they’re not forward enough. People like me just keep moving along until someone else understands. It’s just a more conscious form of sexual selection, and I simply don’t care that it’s supposedly not the way things are supposed to work, it’s how it works as far as me, myself, and I are concerned.

    The short answer on gender roles, as far as I’m concerned is, no, there is no “nice” when they’re involved, and it cuts both ways. A man who slaves away to obligate a woman to him is a slave, no matter how devoted she is to him. The woman who is obligated under the typical social assumption to exchange sexual favors and raise his young is likewise a slave, no matter how gentle and kind he is. The notion of that arrangement is heavily sugarcoated, but for an intellectual species, it should be a repugnant. Animal behavior research seems to indicate more and more that mammals’ mating relationships are not that simplistic even though they’re less intellectual than humans are. I’d also best not get started on the ridiculous obsession many human cultures have with virginity and those other ways the prevalent social model is designed to limit the sexual expression of both men and women, marginalize homosexual relationships, and tell both men and women what sorts of jobs they may be qualified for but it would be improper for them to take.

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