Today has been an extremely fruitful day so far! Not only did I tremendously enjoy my first American Tribal System belly dancing class with a new teacher, but she’s willing to barter with me for the training! That means I can actually take<\/i> the class, thank goodness — especially considering my tightly budgeted finances as a doctoral student. Further, during the class I had a small mental revelation which explains a few things I’d wondered about for a while now. Any day where I have a fun, lightning-bolt mental moment is a good day!<\/p>\n
I’d actually taken one ATS class years ago, which was quite interesting, but not as fun as this class. There were a couple of reasons why, which I realized after the class when I had a moment to think about it. For one, the class this time was smaller, which allowed for more personal attention and encouragement from the instructor. Unsurprisingly, I consequently also never felt lost or left behind — a big win! For another, I have no idea what quality of dancers the two instructors were\u2026 but without question, for a rank beginner like me, this teacher today was far more helpful, friendly, personable, encouraging, and\u2026 well, instructive.<\/p>\n
As class was ending, the instructor said something which really clicked for me: she mentioned that she’d been an air force brat for a while, and thus knew what it felt like to be the new kid. That was why she made an effort to welcome newcomers and make sure they were comfortable: she understood how unpleasant it can be to be the outsider.<\/p>\n
I mention this because I’ve seen situations where people I knew were ordinarily thoughtful and kind did things that were just plain hurtful. For example, I was once seated in a circle of women where one of them — a very quiet, shy woman — had the only empty chair next to her. Since I too like knowing everyone present is having a nice time, I was pleased to see not all of us had arrived yet, as that meant the shy woman would have someone next to her to talk to. I was rather shocked, therefore, to watch the next woman walk in, look around, then take the empty chair and drag it halfway around the circle<\/i> so she could push it into the middle of her group of friends — who shifted a bit to make room for her.<\/p>\n
I understand there may be some people who perform such micro-aggressions deliberately, but I’m not talking about them — I’m talking about the unconscious many who have no idea how hurtful they may have been, and wouldn’t wish to be so if they realized it. I couldn’t help but wonder if, for example, this newly arrived woman realized what she’d done: she’d effectively told the shy person they weren’t worth talking to<\/i>. I’ve always wondered if this was a witting or unwitting brush-off. Did the newcomer miss the small flinch of the snubbed shy person? Would it really have killed the newcomer to sit next to someone different for a few hours?<\/p>\n
I’m guessing now, though, that it wasn’t intended as a rejection at all — it was just that someone who does something thoughtless like this does so because they have no idea what it is like to be effectively segregated and ignored in such a fashion. They haven’t ever been the outsider or the new kid, and so they have no emotional connection to that position — and lacking any empathy for that particular mental state means they don’t think to try to alleviate it.<\/p>\n
That’s what I’m guessing for now, at least. What do you think?<\/p>\n
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