{"id":598,"date":"2009-12-23T00:01:51","date_gmt":"2009-12-23T07:01:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.stormtiger.com\/collie\/bestiary\/?p=598"},"modified":"2010-07-20T08:17:58","modified_gmt":"2010-07-20T15:17:58","slug":"unreliable-truth-iv-of-iv","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.stormtiger.com\/collie\/bestiary\/2009\/12\/unreliable-truth-iv-of-iv\/","title":{"rendered":"Unreliable Truth (IV of IV)"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/a>Unreliable Truth<\/a>: On Memoir & Memory
\nby Maureen Murdock<\/p>\n

I find myself wondering, as I read, what was Murdock’s solution to her loss of faith within the Roman Catholic Church — is it applicable to my situation as well? I am faintly amused at the thought: clearly her efforts to appeal to a universal human truth within her memoir are touching me as well. Like Murdock, I too did not relate to “god” as Father or Son; unlike her I was indignant at women being nearly forcibly shoved into the roles of either sexless nun or patiently personality-less mother. Neither appealed.<\/p>\n

I find Murdock’s quotations often fascinating or enlightening, as when Kathleen Norris is referenced regarding the search for the sacred, referring to it as more truly a search for location:<\/p>\n

I suspect that when modern American ask ‘what is sacred?’ they are really asking ‘what place is mine? What community do I belong to?’ (92).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

As someone who had moved nine times by the time I reached my 18th birthday, I can certainly relate. I was asked once where my home town was — where was I from? I replied, “Which year?” I didn’t immediately understand their confusion and annoyance at my apparent dissembling — my answer had been quite sincere:<\/p>\n

I’ve been a foreigner for the past twenty years. I don’t have roots any more. My roots are in my memory and my writing. That’s why memory is so important. Who are you but what you can remember?
\n — Isabel Allende (quoted by Murdock 97).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Yes, exactly: who I am is what I chose to remember; what I write of my Self. I need to be gentle with myself as well as to figure out who I am. I take another step in that process as I read Murdock’s personal revelation regarding her mother and herself:<\/p>\n

Until her death, I had never admitted to myself the part I played in the difficulties in our relationship. My mother was a convenient hook upon which I had hung all my fear, anger, and \tdesire… I had tried to understand her and protect myself from her for years and had waited, like so many children do, for some acknowledgment of her culpability. Instead, I found myself \tasking for her forgiveness (75).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I have surely psychologically projected as much as I have been projected upon. If I can gently refuse the unpleasant projections I do not wish — feckless liar, undependable, fat, lazy, never planning ahead — then surely I can also refuse to project as well — to instead place responsibility (but not necessarily blame) where it truly belongs.<\/p>\n

The fundamental premise of memoir writing is a belief in the restorative power of telling one’s truth; once told, the writer can begin to move on with her life (81).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Taking ownership of all my own issues: what a concept! How powerful of me! In a sudden burst of revelation, I am elated. Suddenly my partner in dysfunction, who loomed so terrifyingly, so overwhelmingly… becomes small and nearly insignificant. The life-shattering issues he represented seem, to me, to shrink as well: they are simply mine. Instead of overwhelming me, it is I who encompass them now. Since I am their manager, I can craft a plan to deal with them, to resolve them and make them go away. I am, after all, just as powerful as I believe I am.<\/p>\n

Like Murdock, the essence of my writing is an effort to aid myself in my struggle to make meaning from my life. She favors memoir; my preference is introspective reviews and the occasional Firestarter<\/i> for subjects which I find truly thought-provoking. As she notes,<\/p>\n

[T]he secret is to tell your particular life story so that it adds to our collective understanding of what it is to be human. … Whether you write to recover what was lost, heal a relationship, discover a secret, write your memoir and read it aloud to another, you will hear your own truth. And truth transforms (Murdock 111, 118).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

That is precisely my goal, in my Firestarters<\/i>: to communicate a small bit of my life clearly, evocatively; to offer any enlightenment I’ve received for others to share in as well, in the hopes they too see the world just a little more effectively or joyously.<\/p>\n

In the process of reviewing Murdock’s book, I’ve been drawn into thought-provoking personal consideration, and my absorbed self-reflection as I write has even pulled me from past tense into present. Further, I’ve reviewed personal truths such that I actually had a small epiphany! I am quietly delighted. While I cannot say if I’ve added to the collective understanding of what it is to be human, I do feel closer to better knowing myself, and I continue to reach for further inner transformation.<\/p>\n

I am faintly surprised at my sudden internal realization: all this, from musing on Murdock’s book while writing a review? I am both impressed and pleased; this has been extraordinarily efficatious writing, at least for me. I’ve enjoyed being subtly coaxed into both more effective personal writing, and a bit of emotional growth. This book accomplishes its goals excellently; I highly recommend it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Unreliable Truth: On Memoir & Memory by Maureen Murdock I find myself wondering, as I read, what was Murdock’s solution to her loss of faith…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[21,7,12,1,16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-598","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-book-review","category-family","category-library","category-uncategorized","category-writing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.stormtiger.com\/collie\/bestiary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/598","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.stormtiger.com\/collie\/bestiary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.stormtiger.com\/collie\/bestiary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.stormtiger.com\/collie\/bestiary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.stormtiger.com\/collie\/bestiary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=598"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"https:\/\/www.stormtiger.com\/collie\/bestiary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/598\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1862,"href":"https:\/\/www.stormtiger.com\/collie\/bestiary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/598\/revisions\/1862"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.stormtiger.com\/collie\/bestiary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=598"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.stormtiger.com\/collie\/bestiary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=598"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.stormtiger.com\/collie\/bestiary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=598"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}