Collie's Bestiary

Conclusions

Gathering together all the ramblings and data we've gone through so far, we can now hopefully reach some useful insights on dealing with issues such as these (Note: please consider the pronoun 'you' to be a general reference term for myself and any readers): First, let's state the goals for which we performed this thought experiment:

1. To remain honest in day to day life, and
2. To recognize and avoid lying and liars

Second, here's the basic information we've come up with:

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The previous post related just a few examples I've personally experienced, of course. I'm sure there are many more psychological avoidance techniques which can be bent to their cause: to always get their way. If there are problems in their lives, it simply must be someone else's fault — never their own. If there are people who are less than flattering to them, it must be due to jealousy or spite — never because the criticism is constructive or deserved. They are masters of ignoring or avoiding the consequences of their actions, even if the only way to do so is to perpetuate their own mistaken self importance. It's a little… sad, a little pathetic, to watch their constant bemusement as to why they constantly run out of friends every two years or so… assuming they allow themselves to remember that clearly.

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What's been written before is all fine and good, but these examples are also pretty clear-cut. Let's try a slightly more ambiguous real-life situation. What do you say when someone asks you the dreaded question: "Does this make me look fat?"

A personal belief I feel needs saying:
anyone who is foolish enough to ask this question of any but the closest and dearest of friends is either just asking for hurt — or making unreasonable demands on your friendship!

The easiest answer to this question is not to answer, and hope they accept that as sufficient reply… but unfortunately that silence would fall squarely under the previous definition of lying. It would seem, therefore, some answer is required. However, absolute brutal truth (assuming the garment in question does indeed make them look fat, and they're looking only for reassurance it does not) probably won't serve you any better in this circumstance. What works for both a kind and a truthful answer?

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Parameters of the Experiment

What are the real-life situations I've been involved in, where the reality of falsehood impacts violently with the potential for honesty? So far I've seen two issues, which have appeared repeatedly and in varying forms. One of them got me started on this line of thought, as it was very obvious and occurred quite recently: someone remaining silent or speaking vaguely, in order to give a particular but non-truthful impression. The second issue is also one I've seen occur repeatedly: someone believes something which is untrue, and passes that information on to you.

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Originally posted January 2004

Thanks to Bob, Lou, George, Eric, & Ian, who helped make this a better article.

I also extend an (admittedly somewhat grudging) 'thank you' to life in general — were I not exposed to the bad as well as the good, I would not be able to try constantly to improve myself. Sometimes it's very hard, or not much fun, but I think (I hope!) it's worth it to keep trying.

Michelangelo's motto works best for this, I think:

"Ancora Imparo"
(Still I am learning)

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Originally posted April 2004

Thanks to George for making this a better review, as he always does.

Books of historical fiction are based, in varying amounts, on the reality of the past. However, the lack of good record keeping, coupled with the problem of information conservation, has left us more often with mysteries than fact.

Art history is an excellent example of this predicament. Probably the most famous of these little mysteries is "Who was the Mona Lisa?" A less well known, but equally compelling question concerns the identity of the young girl in Johannes Vermeer's famous painting 'Girl With a Pearl Earring.'

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Book review originally posted June 2004

With thanks to Guthrum, oddly enough, who showed me loving horror didn't mean you were one.

King has actually written two books here. One is a surprisingly candid review of his memories of childhood and young adulthood. The other is about the craft of writing, and it is followed up with an equally candid examination of his almost fatal accident in 1999.

In some ways perusing someone else's memories, good as well as bad, is almost embarrassing, voyeuristic. You feel faint shock or horror at the grinding poverty, you guiltily try to remember if you were one of the abusers of the odd-kids-out in school, you read between the lines of his life experiences and wonder if this or that dreadful occurrence became part of one of King's books.

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Originally written December 2003: more of a grumble than usual…

As you probably don't know, by profession I am a web site designer. I take pride in my work, as I assume most competent craftspeople do. However, recently I've had the most incredible frustration in my job — on this very web site! — due to the lack of browser compatibility or standards.

Standards are such a simple, helpful, wonderful concept. Some informed body within a field of endeavor defines what the basics are that everyone will fulfill. They then make these standards public, and everyone uses them in order to create effectively.

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Originally written in the late 1990's for a "Popular Culture" Anthropology class.

In her book Reading the Romance: Women, Patriarchy, and Popular Literature, Janice A. Radway explores the apparent fascination of romantic fiction to many women, and examines the needs this literary genre fulfills for its readers.

Our required reading was the Introduction and the first four chapters. The Introduction contains a more up-to-date critique of the study, while chapter 1 explains the technological advances that made the romance fiction phenomena possible.

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Continuing from yesterday…

Kakou Korakos
I certainly agree with you that women are often societally trained to be too passive. Myself, I believe the answer is to quit training them to do that, rather than just nudging "nice guys" to be more assertive. I also agree that being the major decision-maker in a relationship is ultimately both exhausting and enervating — it's not a role I think either gender should have to consistently assume.

I'm fascinated that you initially chose the word 'passive' for women who do not pursue, but 'narcissistic' for yourself. Is this because you find the latter a more active descriptor? Hm… considering you're quite willing to "pursue," so to speak, in your work life, I would guess you're quite capable of doing so in your personal life as well — so it would appear to be your conscious choice not to. Makes sense to me; from what I've seen, we all have a myriad of different "faces" for different aspects of our lives. Also from what I've seen, that's a problem only when we allow one of our faces or masks to somehow stifle or damage us.

So do you consider yourself more… I don't know what phrase to use so I don't cause offense when I'm trying to explicate intense curiosity — um, more self-centered? More disinterested in working that hard? More desiring the ego-boo of pursuit?

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