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  1. Hello, onlinewriter, and thank you for commenting! From your opening statement I find myself curious as to whether you read my entire article or not, as I feel I pretty clearly presented several situations where it is definitely appropriate to use the phrase “Let’s just be friends.”

    I find it a little sad also that you’d refer to the men in my example as “doormats,” and then use an emotionally loaded term like “butt-hurt” for the woman in your example, automatically presenting her as abusing the man. I do hope you can see other potential options for how that relationship might exist? Speaking just for myself, after all, I know I’d be sorry to see a friend go regardless of their gender.

    Thinking about it further, I’m concerned also with your reference to the man as “bend[ing] over,” which seems to imply that sexual position is somehow wrong or bad. As long as all partners are happy with it, why use fun sexuality as a negative? I confess I’m also puzzled as to this apparent belief I’ve seen in several respondents that a man cannot have female friends while also having a girlfriend. Is this what you meant to say, or am I misunderstanding?

    Finally, thank you so much for your best wishes regarding sweeties for me! I assure you I was most often the observer rather than the participant for the “douchebags,” so no worries there. Also, this year I am celebrating my 25th anniversary of togetherness with my sweetie, so yes, I’d have to say I found a great one. Good luck to you also! :)

  2. Women saying lets just be friends, might be appropriate in some situations.

    Lets say you meet a guy, he is genuinely nice and caring. He states from the beginning that he likes her. She states from the beginning that she just wants to be friends. Guy sticks around and after realizing that she really did want to be just friends, … moves on. But now she is butt-hurt because he is leaving and she is not gonna receive all the attention and advice that guy gave.
    Is it right for the guy to stick around when he could be saving all that for his true love? or should he bend over for a girl he knows is never gonna see him any different?

    Lets just be friends is perfect when you state it from the beginning, but girls should also learn that friends come and go. Guys arent doormats like mentioned above.

    Collie, im sorry all these douchebags came into your life.
    I hope that a sweet caring guy meets you some day and that you know exactly how to know he is the right one.

    Time usually tells more about a person. So be friends.
    But dont say anything when that friend moves on.

    I would like to know what you think.

  3. Hi, Edgar. I’m assuming you mean “shallow” rather than “swallow,” yes? I’m also assuming you read the previous paragraph as the man being in love already with the woman. I was actually referring to situations where the man is simply checking on whether there’s a possibility of a sexual relationship, since that’s been the vast majority of my experiences in such situations.

    Regarding the article being one-sided: well, it is written by a woman who is sick and tired of being repeatedly sized up by men as nothing more than a potential sexual encounter — rather than being seen first as a potentially intelligent, articulate, interesting, and witty person and possible friend. While I did try talking to several men during the writing of the article, I suspect that that was somewhat self-selecting as well, since I don’t tend to hang out with men who cannot see women as anything but sex on the hoof.

    That’s why I don’t really know how to answer your question regarding the wasting of time “with a woman not interested in you.” I’m guessing “not interested” is your shorthand for “doesn’t want sex with you.” If that’s the case, then I encourage you to continue with your current attitude — since that means the woman’s time will not be wasted with someone falsely presenting themselves as a potential friend rather than just some guy looking to get his rocks off. I do wonder whether you’d judge the men in your life by the same relationally-stunted yardstick, however. ;)

    Regardless, if what you actually mean by your question is that you’re truly looking for female friends, then I’d suggest you re-read the posting for tips on what women who want friends look for in men. Good luck!

  4. calling a guy who walked away from an unrequited love as”Swallow” is an understatement. He’s just sending the message that he won’t be wasting his time anymore. Why waste time with a woman not interested in you ? This article is one-sided.

  5. Ken, I’m so sorry to hear your apparent bitterness. I hope someday you can see a relationship with a woman as encompassing more than just whether the guy is getting sex from the woman or not.

  6. So let’s say the guy hangs around with women who don’t immediately want to sleep with him. Weirdly, there’s a faction of our society which considers that guy a sap. I don’t know why, though, since usually the so-called “sap” ends up with a lot of great women friends. that is correct he is a doormat,why? Because he will do things that guys they actually will never do,take them to work,take pets to the vets and so on.Why buy the cow when you are getting the milk for free,no sex lots of favors,yes men who are involved in that sence should ask themselves,what I am truely getting out this? Besides playing second fiddle and will never be anything else but a sucker.

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